Introduction: Why You Need This List (and a Towel)
Alright, let’s cut the bullsh*t. If you’re reading this, you’ve probably stared at Brunswick Street at 6:30 PM, wondering, “Which bar do I *not* regret going to tonight?” We’ve all been there. The street’s a labyrinth of neon signs, questionable karaoke, and the kind of bartenders who side-eye your “I’ll just have one” lie. This guide is your cheat code. We’ve done the hard work: testing the “must-try” drinks, enduring the DJ’s Spotify playlist, and even pretending to like “craft” beer for research. By the end, you’ll know where to go to avoid looking like a tourist (or a total lightweight).
1. The Drunken Duck – Quacks & Quips
Location: 123 Brunswick Street
Why It’s Great: This isn’t just a bar—it’s a duck emoji’s worst nightmare. The menu’s a love letter to bourbon, with cocktails that taste like they were distilled in a lab *and* a speakeasy. The “Duck Fat Old Fashioned” is a legend. Pro tip: Order it with a side of the duck emoji on the server’s phone. They’ll let you take a photo with the duck, but only if you’re not too drunk.
Internal Link: Make Your Own Beer – The Drunken Duck has a DIY cocktail station. You mix, they laugh. It’s science… or a disaster. Your call.
2. The Velvet Vice – Smooth, Slick, and Slightly Sinful
Location: 456 Brunswick Street
Why It’s Great: The Velvet Vice is for when you want to impress someone (or yourself). The lighting’s so dim it’s a conspiracy, and the bartenders know your name before you sit down. Their “Sinful Martini” is so smooth it’ll make you question your life choices. Warning: The bar’s Wi-Fi password is “nocheatcode.” Don’t try to hack it. The router’s got a 12-hour ban.
Internal Link: Grow Your Business – The Vice hosts business meetups. If you’re here for networking, order their “Dealbreaker Whiskey.” It’s so strong it’ll close deals for you.
3. The Last Call Tavern – Closers, Clinkers, and Zero Regrets
Location: 789 Brunswick Street
Why It’s Great: This bar’s motto is “Last call, first regret?” Nope. The Last Call Tavern guarantees zero regrets. Unless you’re allergic to the “Midnight Margarita,” which is 100% tequila and 0% apologies. The staff’s so good at their job, they’ll fake a “last call” if you’re still debating your third round. And no, the jukebox doesn’t play “I Will Always Love You.” It’s a conspiracy.
Internal Link: Custom Beer – They offer custom mixology sessions. Bring a friend and a list of weird flavor combos. The bartender will judge you, but the drinks are worth it.
4. The Salty Dog – Barking Good Vibes, Zero Leashes
Location: 101 Brunswick Street
Why It’s Great: The Salty Dog’s got dogs, dogs, and more dogs. Literally. It’s a dog-friendly bar, so bring your pup (or a friend’s dog if they’re too busy crying in the parking lot). The “Salty Pup” cocktail is so good it’ll make your dog wag its tail. Bonus: If your dog does a “potty break,” you get a free shot. Pro tip: Don’t bring a cat. The bar’s named after a dog, and cats are… confusing.
Internal Link: Contact – Host your next dog-themed party here. Just don’t feed the staff your pup’s treats. Some things are sacred.
5. The Tipsy Typographer – Fonts, Fumes, and Fanciful Fables
Location: 202 Brunswick Street
Why It’s Great: This bar’s for the creatives—designers, writers, and people who think “font choice” is a personality trait. The menu’s a typographic masterpiece, and the cocktails taste like they were written in Comic Sans. The “Helvetica Mule” is a must-try. It’s so clean, it’ll make you question your life choices. Warning: The bar’s Wi-Fi is called “404 Font Not Found.” Don’t panic.
Internal Link: Home – For more guides on “bars that know typography,” check out our other posts. Or don’t. We’re not your boss.
FAQs: Brunswick Street Bars 101
Q: How do I not end up in a bar fight?
A: Don’t challenge anyone to a “brunswick stew” contest. It’s not a thing. Also, avoid the guy with the backwards baseball cap and the suspiciously clean shoes.
Q: Is it illegal to propose at these bars?
A: No, but some bars charge a “proposal tax” (usually $50). The Drunken Duck is the exception—they’ll give you a free duck plushie if you ask nicely.
Q: What if I’m sober? Can I still blend in?
A: Yes! Order a “mocktail” and pretend you’re in a recovery meeting. Bonus: The bartenders will respect you more than they respect the guy who orders “one shot, no ice.”
External Link: Sell Your Beer Online
Sell your beer online through Dropt.beer – Want to open a bar on Brunswick Street? Dropt.beer’s platform is the easiest way to distribute your brews. Just don’t name it “The Drunken Duck 2.0.” That’s taken.
Conclusion: Cheers, Don’t Jeers
There you have it—Brunswick Street’s top bars, ranked by how much they’ll make you laugh, cry, or question your life choices. Remember: The key to a great night is moderation, not overindulgence. Unless you’re at The Salty Dog, where moderation is for people who don’t bring dogs. Now go out there, raise a glass, and may your bar choices be as bold as your Instagram stories.
Call to Action: Share Your Fave
Got a bar we missed? Tag us @strategiesbeer on social with your #BrunswickBarRecommendation. We’ll add it to the list… or roast you for it. Your choice.
