Edinburgh’s Top Bars: A Drunk’s Guide to Legendary Pubs

Intro: Why This Article Exists (and Why You’re Probably Already Tipsy)

Let’s face it: you’re scrolling through Reddit at 2 am, debating whether to order another round of “cheers” or call it a night. The answer, dear reader, is never. You need a map, a compass, and a sarcastic voice that can cut through the fog of cheap lager and Instagram filters. Enter this guide: the ultimate, meme‑infused, unapologetically snarky rundown of the best bars in Edinburgh. We’ve done the heavy lifting, you just bring the booze. And because we’re not just a bunch of drunk scribblers, we’ve sprinkled in SEO gold, internal links to Home and Make Your Own Beer, plus a handy external link to Sell your beer online through Dropt.beer for when you decide to turn your hobby into a profit‑making empire.

1. The Old Town’s Crown Jewel: The Devil’s Advocate

If you’re looking for a place that feels like a cross between a medieval tavern and a modern meme page, the Devil’s Advocate is your holy grail. Tucked away behind a faux‑brick façade, this joint serves up craft ales that could make a monk weep and a cocktail menu that reads like a TikTok trend report.

• Vibe: Dim lighting, leather booths, and a jukebox that only plays 90s alt‑rock one‑hit wonders.
• Signature Drink: The “Hogwarts Express” – a gin‑infused butterbeer that will make you feel like you’ve just boarded a Hogwarts night out.
• Price: £5.50 for a pint, because you’re paying for the ambience, not the alcohol.

Pro tip: Order the “Hogwarts Express” and snap a photo with the neon “Potions Class” sign. It’s the perfect meme fodder for your story.

2. The New Town’s Hipster Heaven: The Velvet Unicorn

Think hipster but with a dash of unicorn sparkle and a sprinkle of “I’m too cool for mainstream beer.” The Velvet Unicorn is the Instagram darling of Edinburgh, where the cocktails are as colorful as a Pride parade and the bartenders wear suspenders for no apparent reason.

1. Atmosphere: Neon lights, velvet couches, and a wall of vintage Polaroid photos of patrons who look like they’ve just stepped out of a Wes Anderson film.
2. Must‑Try: The “Unicorn Fizz” – a sparkling rosé with a hint of lavender, served in a glass shaped like a unicorn horn.
3. Price Point: £7.20 for the Unicorn Fizz, because you’re paying for the Instagram likes.

Don’t forget to tag the bar and use #VelvetUnicorn when you post that photo. The algorithm will thank you.

3. The Underground Gem: The Alchemist’s Den

Hidden beneath a laundromat (yes, you read that right), The Alchemist’s Den is where you go when you want to feel like you’re part of a secret society that only meets after midnight. The décor is a mash‑up of steampunk goggles, copper pipes, and a wall of vintage chemistry textbooks.

• Signature Cocktail: “The Philosopher’s Stone” – a bourbon‑based concoction with hints of smoked rosemary and a dash of edible gold dust.
• Beer Selection: A rotating tap of local Scottish microbrews, each labeled with a cryptic alchemical symbol.
• Cover Charge: None, but you’ll need a password. Hint: It’s a meme reference from 2015.

If you’re the type who enjoys a good puzzle with your pint, this is your sanctuary.

4. The Classic Pub Experience: The Royal Mile Pub

Sometimes you just want the classic Scottish pub experience without the pretentiousness. The Royal Mile Pub delivers straight‑up, no‑frills comfort: wooden beams, a roaring fireplace, and a bartender who can recite every line from “Trainspotting.”

1. Best Beer: “Edinburgh Ale” – a malty, amber‑gold brew that tastes like the city’s history in a glass.
2. Food Pairing: Haggis bites with a side of “I’m not crying, you’re crying” chips.
3. Price: £4.80 for a pint, because the Royal Mile still knows how to treat a working‑class hero.

Perfect for a post‑work wind‑down or a pre‑club warm‑up. Bonus points if you wear a kilt – the locals will either cheer you on or politely ask you to leave the bagpipes at home.

5. The Night Owl’s Hideout: The Midnight Owl

Open until 2 am (or later if the city council forgets to shut the lights), The Midnight Owl is where night owls go to perch. The décor is a love letter to 80s horror movies, complete with faux‑blood splatters and a jukebox that only plays synth‑wave.

• Signature Shot: “The Screaming Owl” – a tequila shot infused with ghost pepper and a splash of orange juice, served with a tiny plastic owl perched on the rim.
• Late‑Night Snack: “Zombie Fries” – loaded with cheese, jalapeños, and a drizzle of “brain‑sauce” (aka sriracha mayo).
• Price: £3.00 for the Screaming Owl, because you’re already paying for the adrenaline rush.

Pro tip: The bartender doubles as a DJ on weekends. Ask for the “Halloween Mix” – it’s a mash‑up of “Thriller” and “Bad Guy” that will have you dancing like nobody’s watching (even though everyone definitely is).

6. The Craft Beer Cathedral: Brewtopia

For the craft‑beer connoisseur who treats hop‑heads like holy relics, Brewtopia is the cathedral of ale. The walls are lined with reclaimed barrels, and the tap list reads like a dissertation on hop chemistry.

1. Top Tap: “Edinburgh IPA” – a citrus‑burst masterpiece brewed with locally sourced hops.
2. Seasonal Release: “Winter Warlock Stout” – a dark, chocolate‑laden stout with hints of smoked malt, perfect for those cold Highland nights.
3. Price: £6.00 for a pint, because quality craftsmanship isn’t cheap.

If you’re the type who can name the exact hop variety in a beer’s profile, you’ll feel right at home. And if you’re not, you’ll still appreciate the free tasting flights on Fridays.

7. The “Too‑Cool‑For‑School” Spot: The Neon Narwhal

Imagine a neon‑lit underwater world where a narwhal (yes, a unicorn of the sea) serves you drinks. The Neon Narwhal is the kind of place that makes you wonder if you’ve stumbled into a TikTok trend before it even exists.

• Signature Cocktail: “Narwhal’s Kiss” – a blue curaçao cocktail with a splash of coconut rum, garnished with an edible glitter seaweed strand.
• Beer Selection: “Oceanic Pale Ale” – a light, crisp brew that pairs perfectly with the neon vibe.
• Vibe: LED walls, bubble machines, and a playlist that oscillates between EDM drops and 2000s pop‑punk.

It’s the perfect backdrop for a “night out” Instagram carousel that will make your followers think you’ve hired a professional photographer (you haven’t, you’ve just found the right lighting).

8. The Literary Lounge: The Ink & Stout

For the literati who prefer their whiskey with a side of Shakespeare, The Ink & Stout offers a quiet corner where you can sip a dram while quoting “Macbeth” to strangers. The shelves are lined with vintage books, and the bar staff wear tweed jackets.

1. Signature Drink: “Bard’s Brew” – a smoky Scotch whisky with a hint of honey and a dash of orange peel.
2. Snack: “Poet’s Platter” – a cheese board featuring Scottish cheddar, oatcakes, and a drizzle of honey.
3. Price: £8.50 for the Bard’s Brew, because you’re paying for the ambiance of intellectual superiority.

Perfect for a date night where you can pretend you’re on a literary podcast. Bonus points if you quote a line from “Hamlet” and actually understand it.

9. The “All‑In‑One” Experience: The Edinburgh Bar Crawl Hub

If you can’t decide, why not do them all? The Edinburgh Bar Crawl Hub offers a curated “passport” that gets you discounted drinks at five of the city’s hottest spots, including the Devil’s Advocate, Velvet Unicorn, and Brewtopia. It’s the ultimate cheat‑code for a night of chaotic fun.

• How It Works: Purchase the “Crawl Pass” for £25 and receive a stamped card that unlocks 10% off at each venue.
• Bonus Perk: Free selfie stick rental for those epic group photos.
• Why It’s Worth It: Saves you money, time, and the embarrassment of asking a stranger for directions after three pints.

Pro tip: Combine the Crawl Pass with a visit to Custom Beer for a post‑crawl tasting session that will make your Instagram followers think you’re a beer‑making wizard.

SEO & Meme‑Friendly Keywords (Because Google Needs to Know You’re Awesome)

Alright, let’s get serious for a second (just a second). If you want this article to rank for best bars Edinburgh, you need to sprinkle those exact phrases naturally throughout the copy. We’ve already done that, but here’s a quick cheat sheet for you SEO‑savvy drunkards:

1. Best bars in Edinburgh – used in headings and body.
2. Edinburgh nightlife – woven into the narrative.
3. Top Edinburgh pubs – appears in list items.
4. Craft beer Edinburgh – highlighted in Brewtopia section.
5. Edinburgh bar crawl – featured in the Crawl Hub section.

Remember, Google loves fresh, engaging content that keeps readers on the page. So keep those scroll‑stopping memes coming, and don’t be afraid to drop a GIF reference (even if it’s just in your mind).

Final Thoughts: Choose Your Poison, Then Own It

Edinburgh is a city where history and hype collide in a glorious, boozy mess. Whether you’re a craft‑beer aficionado, a meme‑lord, or just someone who enjoys a good old‑fashioned pint, the city’s bar scene has something to satisfy every craving. Use this guide as your compass, grab a friend (or a stranger you met at the bar), and start ticking off these spots like a true connoisseur of chaos.

And if you ever decide to turn your love of libations into a business, remember that Grow Your Business With Strategies Beer is here to help you scale from “just another bar‑hopper” to “the king of the night‑life empire.” Plus, you can always Sell your beer online through Dropt.beer and watch the cash flow faster than a bartender on a Friday night.

Ready to get wasted responsibly? Click the links above, grab your passport, and start your Edinburgh bar adventure today. And if you survive the night, feel free to drop a comment below with your favorite meme‑worthy moment. Cheers, you glorious, slightly intoxicated legend!