Why You Should Care About Virgin Drinks
Let’s get one thing straight: if you think “virgin drinks” are just juice for the sober squad, you’re dead wrong. These are the beverages that let you sip like a pro, laugh like a maniac, and still make it home before 2 a.m. (or 5 a.m., depending on how many people in your group think “mocktail” is a new type of yoga).
Virgin drinks are the secret weapon of anyone who’s tired of pretending they don’t know what a Moscow Mule tastes like or who wants to avoid the “I’m not hungover, I’m just emotionally damaged” Monday morning vibe. And yes, we’re including that one friend who insists on ordering a vodka soda but then complains it’s “not strong enough” to count as a party. Newsflash: it’s the essence of a party.
To the untrained eye, mocktails might look like adult beverages’ less ambitious cousin. But give them time, and they’ll become the reason you’re still standing when everyone else is passed out in a ball of regret on the floor. Make your own beer with the same kind of creativity you’d use for a viral TikTok trend—and you’ll see what we mean.
The Best Virgin Drinks That’ll Make You Pretend You’re in a Cult
Alright, let’s get to the good stuff. These are the non-alcoholic drinks that’ll make you feel like you’ve cracked the code to happiness. No jitters, no hangovers, just pure, unfiltered sarcasm and flavor. Here we go:
1. The “I’m Not Like Other Mocktails”
Think of this as the posh cousin of the basic margarita who dropped out of college to become a wellness influencer. Made with fresh citrus, a splash of elderflower, and a garnish that looks like it belongs in a museum, this drink is for people who want to sip like they’re in a Wes Anderson movie. Custom beer enthusiasts, take note: this is how you level up your game without ever touching a drop of alcohol.
2. The “I’ve Seen Things and I’m Not Talking About It” Mojito
It’s like the classic mojito, but it’s been through a breakup, a therapy session, and a full-blown identity crisis. Fresh mint, lime, and a splash of soda water that hits harder than your ex’s text after three years. This one’s for the people who want to pretend they’re still drinking rum but have officially given up on adult beverages.
3. The “You Think This Is a Drink? No, This Is Revenge”
It’s a bold, bitter, and extremely satisfying concoction that’s perfect for when you’re in a mood. Think of it as the kombucha of cocktails—only with a personality. This one’s got a kick that’ll make you question your life choices and your decision to wear jeans to a party. But hey, at least you’ll taste good while doing it.
4. The “I’m So Cool, I Don’t Need Alcohol”
It’s a sparkling, fruit-forward drink that looks like it belongs in a celebrity Instagram post. If you’re the type of person who orders a “virgin” drink just to flex, this is your jam. It’s got the same aesthetic as a $200 cocktail but with none of the hangover. Grow your business with this kind of vibe, and you’ll never have to explain what a “virgin” drink is again.
5. The “I’m Too Busy to Care”
It’s the lazy person’s answer to a cocktail party. Just pour, shake, and serve. No chopping, no garnishing, and definitely no pretending you know what a “citrus bitters” is. This one’s for when you want to sip like a pro but act like you’re too busy to care.
How to Host a Virgin Cocktail Party Without People Thinking You’re a Hermit
Let’s face it: hosting a party without alcohol is like hosting a movie night without Netflix. But if you’re doing it right, it’ll be the most fun anyone’s had since they discovered that “virgin” drinks can actually taste like something other than regret.
- Don’t mention the “V” word. Call it a “mocktail mixer” or a “non-alcoholic soiree.” The more you avoid acknowledging that there’s no alcohol, the more people will pretend it’s just a new type of wine.
- Bring out the big guns. If you’re going to host a party, you need make your own beer with a twist. Think lavender gin without the gin, or a “whiskey sour” that’s actually just lemonade and some weird herb you bought at Whole Foods.
- Make it a competition. Set up a mocktail bar with ingredients like basil, ginger, and whatever else you can find in the fridge. The goal is to see who can make the most impressive drink without actually making anyone feel bad about their life choices.
Why Virgin Drinks Are Underrated (And How to Fix That)
Let’s be real: people who drink alcohol are the ones who end up in the hospital, the ER, or the “I’m not crying, I’m just sad” TikTok trend. Virgin drinks, on the other hand, are the reason you’ll be at work on time tomorrow and still remember what you did last weekend. Contact us and we’ll teach you how to make a drink that tastes like it belongs in a bar—but won’t leave you with a hangover.
To recap: if you think this is just for the sober squad, you’re missing the point. These are the drinks that’ll let you sip like a pro, laugh like a maniac, and still make it home before 2 a.m. (or 5 a.m., depending on how many people in your group think “mocktail” is a new type of yoga).
Still not convinced? Go ahead, order the drink with the umbrella. We’ll wait here. And when you come back, we’ll be sipping our virgin margaritas, plotting our world domination (minus the tequila).
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